


Absolute Terr(or)itory

by Chrysanthos



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Multi, The result of letting an incubus listen to Absolute Territory on loop, We Are All Victor, Zettai Ryouiki, episode 10, i cannOT BELIEVE THIS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 15:11:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8896066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysanthos/pseuds/Chrysanthos
Summary: Phichit sees something's bothering Yuuri, and decides to help him unwind before the gala.This is, in retrospect, both the best and worst thing to happen in Victor Nikiforov's entire 26 years of life.--Yuuri hooked a leg around Christophe's neck, interrupting the man. Slamming him down and stepping on his back, the intoxicated man in such a short dress that was now /riding up holy shit Victor look anywhere else please-/"Viiiiictaaaaa~" Yuuri suddenly whispered, leaning on Victor's shoulder while still stepping on Christophe (who certainly wasn't minding the view), "Dance battle me right now... Take off ya clothes......"--The drunk zettai ryouiki fanfic no one knew they wanted or needed and yet I'm here to deliver.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize.

"Yuuri!" Phichit cried, barging into Yuuri's room. The first thing he had done upon arriving in Sochi was get a copy of Yuuri's room key somehow. "Where are you- Holy shit." He stopped.

 

Katsuki Yuuri was a mess.

 

Hair a mess, glasses askew, tears on his cheeks, snot dripping down his nose, eyes positively red. Yep, Yuuri had been having a horrible breakdown. Phichit immediately knew what to do in this situation. He sat down next to him and enveloped the older man in a hug, combing his hair with his fingers. "Shhh..." Phichit said as Yuuri sobbed into his chest, "Tell your best friend Phichit what's wro-"

 

"V-Vicchan's dead."

 

Oh. _Shit._

 

"Uh." It was no secret between the two that Vicchan was Yuuri's second-best friend (behind Phichit, of course), and Yuuri had been fearing this exact thing happening while he was away. "...Do you want a drink?" When the head in his bosom had given a silent, mopey nod, Phichit stood up and walked over to the mini-fridge, Yuuri following, where he found a bottle of whiskey. Taking a small swig himself, Phichit gave it to Yuuri, who proceeded to empty it completely. Phichit stared in wide-eyed amazement as Yuuri put the bottle on the table.

 

"F-Feel better?" Phichit asked Yuuri. 

 

"...Kinda." Yuuri replied, swaying a little.

 

"C'mon. Ciao Ciao wants you at the banquet tonight." Phichit immediately had an incredibly devilish idea. He'd been wanting to try this out for a while, actually, but Yuuri had always been to sober to agree. Seeing as Yuuri just drank an entire bottle of whiskey straight, however... "Yuuri, you wanna borrow some of my clothes?"

 

"...Sure, Phichit-kun..." Yuuri said, already feeling a bit tipsy. Oh boy. This was gonna be fun.

 

* * *

 

Victor was bored. He wasn't going to even lie this time. This was the most boring banquet he had ever been to in his entire life. The only interesting parts of this function were Yuri and Christophe. So when Jean-Jacques Leroy asked him a question, it was quite easy to distract him from the doors when two best friends walked in and one immediately beelined towards the champagne flutes. The other made his way to the one in charge of music, and met up immediately with an old acquaintance, Leo de la Iglesia.

 

About twenty-seven minutes later (Victor counted. He was that bored.), Victor reached out for a bottle of champagne when another hand grabbed it before he could blink. Viktor looked at the assailant.

 

And looked.

 

He could hear Sara Crispino and Christophe simultaneously whistle behind him, while Yuri started making indignant choking noises.

 

Standing in front of him was a person in a black patternless dress so short it was barely a shirt, and dark blue stockings with gold vine designs trailing up them that only went up the thighs part-way. This left (and this is where Victor audibly gulped) about two and a half inches of exposed thigh skin between the end of the stocking and the hem of the dress.

 

The mystery party-goer immediately began to down the champagne bottle until it was totally empty.

 

Holy _hell_. 

 

"Heyyy....." They slurred, pointing at Yuri, "Y-You're the other Yuuri! You bitch!" They shouted, stamping their foot (and if Victor wasn't a good man he would have sworn he saw just the tiniest flash of what looked to be _panties holy fuck_.) and bringing a few peoples' attention to them, "Fuck you! You think you're hot shit?! I bet you can't even beat me in a dance off!"

 

Victor looked to Yuri, who looked reasonably affronted and embarrassed. "What?" Yuri said to the oth- Oh, this was Yuuri Katsuki.

 

Victor started with realization. This absolute mess was _Yuuri Katsuki_ , who placed last in the competition after flubbing all his jumps. And now he was back.

 

In a dress that could put Lilith herself to shame.

 

Victor suddenly found himself extrmely turned on.

 

"Ph-Phicht!" Yuuri shouted, catching the attention of a few more people (including Seung-Gil Lee from South Korea, who immediately turned red and turned away), "Gimme a beat! Dance off!"

 

A tanned boy nodded, and turned to the DJ. When the DJ initially refused, the boy pointed to Yuuri. One look, and the DJ immediately put on something that sounded like the unholy mixture of a rap song and disco.

 

Victor couldn't follow what happened next, but he knew that the following happened:

 

1) Yuuri Katsuki and Yuri Plisetsky had their dance off.

 

2) They were _breakdancing_.

 

3) Victor Nikiforov saw more upskirt angles of this one man than he had ever seen previously in his entire life.

 

By the time the song was over and Yuri was sulking, complaining that he had _totally_  won, Christophe had already set up The Pole. Christophe then issued his challenge to Yuuri: pole dancing. Instinctively, Victor covered Yuri's eyes with his hands despite Yuri's immediate protests.

 

Unseen by everyone, a single tear rolled down Seung-Gil's cheek. In that moment, he felt truly blessed.

 

Christophe got off the pole, then held out a hand to Yuuri.

 

This was Christophe's mistake; Yuuri was absolutely _god-like_ on a pole.

 

Victor stared, mouth agape, as Yuuri pole danced with absolute reckless abandon. (He hadn't noticed that Yuri was peeking through his fingers and was now furiously blushing.) This had to be a dream. Biting his lip, he realized that, no, this was reality and Yuuri had just torn off his dress to reveal that he was, in fact, wearing black lingerie with red rose patterns and he was now slowly peeling off a stocking good GOD.

 

Christophe, not wanting to be outdone, leaped back onto the pole, and the two engaged in a dual performance that was equal parts seductive and ridiculous. Victor's mouth was dry and his hands were totally limp (giving Yuri a full eyeful). As the music ended, Christophe helped his newfound equal into his dress and then they made their way back to Victor. 

 

Christophe turned to Yuuri, but before he could say anything, Yuuri hooked a leg around Christophe's neck, interrupting the man. Slamming him down and stepping on his back, the intoxicated man in such a short dress that was now _riding up holy shit Victor look anywhere else please-_

 

"Viiiiictaaaaa~" Yuuri suddenly whispered, leaning on Victor's shoulder while still stepping on Christophe (who certainly wasn't minding the view), "Dance battle me right now... Take off ya clothes......"

 

Somewhere in the back, Jean-Jacques was sitting in a chair as his soul practically ascended. Phichit was too busy snapping pictures for Instagram that he didn't notice Jean's death.

 

"Vvvvvvvvvictooooor..." Yuuri moaned slightly and _holy hell was that erotic,_ "If I win this, then you're gonna come back to Hasetsu with me and become my figure skating coach, okay? Be mine..." He shouted.

 

Victor thanked every fucking god in the heavens that Yuuri Katsuki existed.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri woke up in a daze, vision blurring before refocusing into the familiar sight of Phichit's room-

 

Wait.

 

Yuuri's eyesight immediately jumped to high definition, and he looked to the other side of the bed, where he saw not only Phichit Chulanont, but also Leo de la Iglesia, Christophe Giacometti, Seung-Gil Lee, Jean-Jacques Leroy, AND the Crispino twins.

 

Yuuri gaped.

 

What the _fuck_  had happened last night.

**Author's Note:**

> The true pairing: Yuuri's thighs/Everyone


End file.
